UPDATE: Full version here: [1]

NOTE: This is an unfinished, "abridged" version of what, in its full form, comprises a much longer affair involving several additional characters. However, for the sake of those who would find such a battle cluttered and excessive, I am providing this simpler version as well.


MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





• "Mad" Max Rockatansky: •

Two men enter battle on the wasted roadside;

Take a guess of how many gonna leave this place alive.

Yo, welcome to the post–apocalyptic land down under;

We Don't Need Another Hero clowning 'round to steal my thunder.

Must be Mad to the Max to try and tackle Rockatansky;

Got the rad and Gutsy raps for any task like Mister Handy.

I'm a well–oiled machine amid a world that's gone to pig shit;

Main Patrol Force on the highway, dishing lead in lieu of tickets!

Hell–bent on kicking asses as I am for donning leather,

Running Mari–posers over in my Falcon Interceptor.

Boy, you'll lose it all when I unleash my vocal engine roar;

Humungus hollers that'll shake your flimsy region to the Core!

Surrender now for safe passage; don't bust that deal,

Lest an unlucky 13–er face a spin of the wheel.

A broken water chip is gonna be the least of all your problems,

When I chain you up and make you Saw your foot off like my shotgun!

• The Vault Dweller: •

Maaaaybe you should start retreating, Raggedy Man:

Hop over back to your tribe, and stick to playing Peter Pan.

Your Goose is bound to be cooked when I kneecap a punk down,

'Cause I'm the Master with a Blaster who decide who run Junktown!

I'll make a Bloody Mess of you, as FUBAR as a Centaur,

Loot your mutilated corpse, and then record it in my memoirs!

Your Intellect is limited; I'm Gifted, full of genius:

Decimate you like the Khans, and never let you pull a phoenix,

When I cut off your toes, leave you a shell of a man,

And blind you with my Red Ryder, just as well as I can.

Part you on the terms I did my Overseer back at home,

And you won't see Tomorrow–morrow; never get to Thunderdome!

Spitting rhymes with S.P.E.C.I.A.L. style, aimed to put you in your place,

And Pox–eclipse your lines, as sterile as the Super Mutant race.

My California raps will put your Tupac tribute straight to shame;

I've got a BFF in Dogmeat. What's your mongrel even named?

• Mad Max: •

Rarely one for many words, but now you've got me mighty riled,

And so I hurl 'em like a razor boomerang; a wild child!

Verses piercing as a blaring doggie whistle; you'll be deafened,

Crash–and–burning like a Boeing Jumbo 747.

Won't be long for the living 'less you get it set to fleeing;

Even then, I'll maybe shoot you in the back and call me Ian.

I'm the man who makes a difference when I'm taking up command,

Trucking tankers' worth of disses; yours'll fall as flat as sand.

• The Vault Dweller: •

Wanna talk about Sands? I'd be a pro on the subject:

Watch me grace a barren land and plant the seeds of a Republic.

You're as big a fool as Harry, the mutie Unity bumpkin,

And I'll beat you black and blue before I smash you like a pumpkin.

Bitch, you battle like a brahmin; yo, your other head is missing!

Wrong the Dweller, you'll be pressed to find a Deathclaw less forgiving.

Raider–razing, hater–hazing, ace trailblazer of a guy;

I built Arroyo, but my verbal flow is never running dry!

• Mad Max: •

Keep your speeches, Fallout Boy, 'cause you can take 'em to your grave!

Your situation sees no spooky Stranger set to make a save;

You've fewer means of beating me than working cars around to drive.

Only Tina Turner crosses the Road Warrior and survives!

• The Vault Dweller: •

I aggrieve and roast a rival, hot as tools of bursting atoms,

But perceive your boasts as idle; not a bullet's worth to back 'em.

You'll end up like Lou Tenant: come apart at the seams;

Decomposing while I chill at the Café of Broken Dreams.

Who Won?

The poll was created at 04:05 on September 1, 2014, and so far 20 people voted.