Like war we will never change”
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The United States of Nukapedia has now been founded in the The East Pacific and we can now start to vote on our issues. Every week I will bring you a number of issues, each with a number of solutions which you can all vote on. The most popular solution will be put through.
About our nation
The United States of Nukapedia is a huge, safe nation, notable for its daily referendums, keen interest in outer space, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-working population of 790 million Nukapedians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.
The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vault City. The average income tax rate is 41.9%.
The Nukapedian economy, worth 54.9 trillion bottle caps a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Arms Manufacturing, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is 69,555 bottle caps, with the richest citizens earning 5.1 times as much as the poorest.
The latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller, scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway, punitive tariffs protect local industry, and the government keeps introducing new foreign species to combat the previous ones it has introduced. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Nukapedia's national animal is the deathclaw, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.
Nukapedia is ranked 5,579th in The East Pacific and 104,412th in the world for Best Weather, with -13 Metres of Sunlight Above Expected.
National happenings are quick snippets of information which update every time we pass legalization.
- Following new legislation in Nukapedia, the government keeps introducing new foreign species to combat the previous ones it has introduced.
- Following new legislation in Nukapedia, punitive tariffs protect local industry.
- Following new legislation in Nukapedia, scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway.
Last week's issues
Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports
Cheap, foreign-made cars are becoming increasingly popular, causing concern in Nukapedia's automobile manufacturing industry.
yes Solution One: "Unless this government does something, Nukapedia won't have an auto industry for much longer," says auto industry union boss Finlay Never, in a rare public appearance alongside management. "These foreign companies employ people for a few bottle caps a day. The only way to level the playing field is to raise tariffs. The government would make more money, too, so it's win-win."
no Solution Two: "For once, I agree with my grubby colleague here," says General Chassis CEO Peter Wu. "Although I have to say, tariffs aren't the only answer. A more effective solution would be to abolish minimum wage laws. Now that would level the playing field. And we'd be able to employ more--argh, let go of my throat!"
no Solution Three: "I think we need to face facts," says noted economist and chat-show regular Gretel Singh. "We live in a global economy now, and automobile manufacturing just isn't Nukapedia's strong suit. There's no point taking money from taxpayers in order to line the pockets of a few greedy workers and corrupt managers in a doomed industry. Let the market take its--argh, let go of my throat!"
We opted to agree with Finlay Never and raise tariffs on automobiles.
A spectre is haunting Nukapedia — the spectre of the Woodeating Spikeball. With scenic parks ravaged by this invasive species, citizens are clamoring at your door to advise you.
yes Solution One: "The ecosystem is in great peril," claims Marlon Delauter, an importer of exotic pets. "These Woodeating Spikeballs have no natural predators here. But there is a solution: back in their native Maxtopia, these pests are kept in check by the Sabre-toothed deathclaw. We have to introduce these animals into our forests before it's too late. And you know, since I'm such a nice guy, I'll cut you a deal on the deathclaws."
no Solution Two: "You can't stop one invasive species by introducing another," scoffs avid hunter Hope Love while skinning several rabbits on your desk. "Just give out hunting permits for these Spikeballs, and we'll have the population under control in no time. You know what, might as well extend hunting and fishing seasons for other animals too. I've been itching to bag myself a Giant Lilliputian Rabbit."
no Solution Three: "We shouldn't be left at the mercy of our citizens," counsels gendarme Max al-Zahawi while barely suppressing his hatred for animals. "If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. Let's send out our boys in blue to go hunt down these vermin." Frothing rabidly, he finishes, "That way we can be sure every last one of those mangy, stinking, filth-ridden pests is dead!"
no Solution Four: "So what if these Spikeballs are eating all the trees?" says thoroughly apathetic citizen Agnes Peters. "Nature got along fine for millions of years before we came into the picture. Just let survival of the fittest run its course. Sure, we might lose a few species or ecosystems along the way, but at least we'll save some money. Forests are really boring, anyway."
We opted to agree with Marlon Delauter and introduce the Spikeball's natural predator, the saber-toothed deathclaw, in to the area to combat the infestation
"Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters
A group of Greenpeace protesters have called for an end to a government proposal to begin damming rivers in Nukapedia to increase water supplies and generate power.
no Solution One: "Don't build dams!" shouts protestor Roger Rubin through a microphone heavily afflicted with feedback. "Do you know how many fish die in other dams in our region each year? Have you heard of the adverse effects building a dam has on the surrounding environment? Dam up this flood of dams, damn it!"
yes Solution Two: "Think before you open your mouth," says engineer Hillary Cruz. "While Nukapedia may have to pay the price in animal diversity, as well as adverse effects on the environment, do we really want fossil-fuel based plants polluting Nukapedia? If you use your common sense, I think you'll find that damming some rivers would be a good idea. Plus, think of how much the economy would benefit from all the jobs these projects would create."
We have opted to agree with Hillary Cruz and build dams
This week's issues
Click though the tabs to view and vote on the different issues.
Intersex Athletes Demand Level Playing Field
During the last Nukapedia Athletics Championship, a massive controversy arose following the revelation that double gold medalist Atlanta Johnson possesses both male and female sexual organs, despite being entirely female in external appearance.
Solution One: "How is this difficult to understand?" questions well-known sports commentator Fleur Anderson. "There are sports and competitions just for men, and there are sports and competitions just for women; we don't let men run in a women's race, so what's the difference here? And if it's too difficult to decide whether the athlete is a man or woman, then we shouldn't let them compete at all! Fair is fair is fair."
Solution Two: "I think I see a solution to all this," says Klaus Winters, your Minister for Solutions, whilst solving the crossword in your morning newspaper. "We should overhaul the entire sport system in Nukapedia so that people compete against each other based on skill, not gender. Sure, it might be expensive but it'd be worth it if we want everyone to be happy."
Solution Three: "We can't just stop there!" protests well-known LGBTQQIA activist Margaret Eliot. "We should completely overhaul Nukapedia itself to make it less hostile to those like Ms. Johnson! Schools, hospitals, workplaces - they'll all need to be changed! There should be public toilets catered solely for the intersex too! You can't put a price on equality!"
Solution Four: "You're not going to listen to that drivel, I hope?" your bald, heavily tattooed cousin says with a raised eyebrow. "You want to actually give these people recognition? Not only would they bring shame on Nukapedia in international sporting competitions, but they, and other non-conformists, are an insult to our nation. What we must do is banish those unlike me and my friends from Nukapedia; they are only an impediment to the success and dominance of our race - a master race!"
Bigtopian Bigwigs Beset Border
Following a bitter civil-conflict in Bigtopia that led to the overthrow of a dictatorial regime, leading officials from the deposed government are seeking refuge in Nukapedia. The new Bigtopian government is accusing these people of war crimes, and has demanded their extradition.
Solution One: Your Minister for Foreign Affairs, Declan Hendrikson, echoes the pleas of the international community, "These individuals are responsible for decades of oppression, the genocide of millions of Bigtopians, and horrific war crimes - their leader isn't called 'The Butcher of Bigtopia' for his carving skills! We can't just step aside and neglect our duties to their victims. These men must face justice in Bigtopia, whatever their fate."
Solution Two: "I vehemently disagree," says defence lawyer Lee Malik, running a comb through his hair and handing you his business card. "Now is not the time for hasty action. Bigtopia is not a stable state yet - send these people back and you're throwing them to the mob. They've committed no crime in Nukapedia, and they've come here for our help. Show some decency, and let them stay!"
Solution Three: "I have an idea," interjects Wernher von Grun from the Department of Defence. "Amongst these refugees are several top Bigtopian scientists. They may have carried out some terrible experiments with WMDs, but can we really afford to lose their expertise? Let them join our team at the Hexagon, and we'll develop weapons the envy of The East Pacific. After all, once the missiles go up, who cares where they came from?"
Follow The Leader
A lowly bureaucrat riffling through some old paperwork has happened across a rather alarming and disturbing fact: the documentation affirming yourself as Nukapedia's head of state was filled out improperly and now, at least for the moment, Nukapedia has no official leader!
Solution One: "There is no need to panic," says Beth Longbottom, a senior archivist. "I've prepared a new document. All you need to do is sign across the dotted line and you will be our esteemed leader once again. Here! I've even brought a pen."
Solution Two: "Give me that!" interrupts your brother, incorrigible as always. "I've got an idea, bear with me for a moment... a few penstrokes here... a few clauses there... finished. Now you can set yourself up as Supreme Evil Overlord For Life! If you don't have complete control then where's the fun? That's what I say. I've taken the liberty of cutting some of the more boring departments, we only really need the police and military in my opinion. Oh! You get a free space hopper too."
Solution Three: "Hold on! Don't sign it yet! Have you ever heard the saying 'two heads are better than one'?" asks Akira Lee, your Minister of Complicating Things. "Well, what if we had SEVERAL? I propose we gather the most senior ministers of Nukapedia to act together as a collective head of state! That's a little more democratic than one person bossing everyone else around. Besides, even if you're not THE leader, your opinions are still deeply respected so it shouldn't be too much of a step down right?"
Solution Four: "As if ONE leader isn't oppressive enough!" says Jessica Leach, a little known representative from one of Nukapedia's more obscure counties. "Suddenly we need even more? This is a great opportunity for Nukapedia to lose elitist concepts like 'leaders'. My ma taught me that all men are born equal and yet even in a modern country like this one person can be named Lord and King of everything. One person should not have that much power! Government policy should be the equal responsibility of all Nukapedia's elected politicians."
Solution Five: "If we did that, even some crackpot quango would have the same power as the Minister of Defence," argues Jake Jefferson, who happens to be the Minister of Defence. "That's insane. We need strong leadership to get things accomplished! Have you ever been in a meeting where everyone's opinion is, ugh, 'equal'? They go on for HOURS. HOURS! Believe me, trying to run a government that way will be a massive, fruitless headache. The leader's word is law, and if people don't get that then maybe a little show of strength courtesy of the military wouldn't go amiss."