Friends, Citizens, others, thank you for giving me a moment of your time.
The NCR is standing on a precipice, and if drastic actions are not taken it is very clear that the republic will not survive. From the east, we face the growing threat of the Ceasars Juggernaught. From the west, the surviving members of the Brotherhood of Steel are poised to do immense damage to our republic at any time; and from within we face the threat of separatists and anarchists.
Quite frankly, dear Californians, this is not the time to be taking the risk on some unproven tribal with no leadership or government experience. The only responsibility he has ever had - to look after his sister - he failed at. Where is Kurisu Sulik? Don't answer that, because you don't know!
We have grave problems with our crumbling infrastructure… Something my opponent knows nothing about - he was born and grew up in a tent, a tent my compatriots? Is a tent the future you want for your children? Of course not!
We face problems securing our food and water supplies against an increasingly hostile New Vegas. My Opponent would have you believe a Rain Dance will solve our problems, a Rain Dance, seriously?
No my dear Californians… This is not the time for pie-in-the-sky solutions from an untested, unqualified, uneducated, unsanitary tribal. This is a time for someone with experience to take the reins. Elect me as your president, and I will ensure that California enters a time like no other before it.
Sulik, your Remarks.
We and I be very thankful to be being here.
First, we and I be wanting to be addressing some of de slander be being said by my oppo… by de lady over here. We and I not be being born de tent, we be being born outside de tent. As for me not being able to be finding me sis, we and I be pointing out dat she be being moved outside of California by slavers… Slavers de lady's administrashun in Vault City helped support by them be buying "Servants" from dem. With her being in support of slavery, we and I be wondering who exactly de civilised one of us is supposed to be being.
Me sis has not be being de only responsibility we be having. We and I be being the personal bodyguard of de so called chosen one as he be dealing with de enclave, saving de lives of everyone, including dis lady here.
We and I be knowing dat de rain dance bot be being enough to be revitalising de desert. But we and I be knowing dere be being more GECKs in vaults out dere… like de one horded by de hometown of dis lady here, and we and I be knowing dat a handful of special explorers are being able to be getting de GECKs, and be making the wasteland be being green again.
We and I be believing dat de average californian not be being enough of a dumb-dumb to be falling for dis lady's nonsense. Yes, dere be being some separatists dat be causing trouble - dis lady should be knowing this as she be being their leader. De legion be quiet since de courier be dealing with dem over at Hoover Dam and not be being de threat she be believing. As for de tin-can-men, we and I be seeing ways of being at peace with dem. She might as well be saying the Enclave will be coming to eat us for all de sense she be talking.
So, be voting for me, Sulik, and Vice President Grampy. We and I be being de best choice for California.
We now move on to some questions from you, the audience
What will you do for the NCR's territorial expansion problem and will it continue into the east
The Expansion will stop, and our old borders secure
De problem be being we not be moving enough. We and I be being committed to be expanding to the Missurs Ippi by de end of de decade
That's ridiculous. Do you even know where the Mississippi is?
Does anyone truly be knowing where it is? We be knowing it be being a big river dat can be offering de natural border and security dis nation has been needing.
What will you do for those poor Ranger veterans seeking retirement?
We promise them employment in light duties
What she be meaning is she be making them Servants… Or Slaves as dey really be knowing as.
Is that a question?
Dey be tasty. Next.
What is your view on Ghouls and Super Mutants?
I try not to have a view on them as I find them utterly disgusting to look at
We and I be pointing out dis be typical of dis lady's bigoted attitudes towards everything. She and I be being horrible to everyone who is not be being her.
Its easy when you don't have to go first isn't it?
You want to be swapping? Fine.
What would yo do if there was a theoretically a splinter group of Brotherhood of Steel whose goal is protect people directly(wink)?
We and I be welcoming de tin cans into de republic.
And give up our sovereign rights as a nation? Are you out of your mind
Didn't Vault City already be doing that?
IF NCR move where i live do i have to pay tax?
Pay taxes, buy Civilisation
We and I be thinking that if you be having no money, say you be being like a tribe, it be being hard to be taxing… Does de Tax man really be wanting 20% of a gecko?
Are you seriously giving tips on how to get away with Tax Evasion during your presidential debate?
We and I not be knowing the meaning of dat word.
Are you going to let the Legion be ally friends with you?
De legion are being smashed with me hammer
A Hammer? You mean like the Communists have a hammer and Sykle?
we and I not be knowing de meaning of dat word either.
Sulik and Lynette, what are each of your attitudes towards chems? Psycho, Med-X, Mentats and such.
Don't be asking, don't be telling
Drug use, like all other illegal activity should be banned, not given a blind eye
We and I be being very good at giving blind eyes… and flat noses.
Sulik, will you be starring in a TV show at some point in the future?
We and I not be thinkings it's de right time to be talking about Married, With Sulik, Sulik and de City, Everybody loves Sulik or Sulikfeld at the moment.
What is your plan on revitalizing education in the wasteland?
We and I be thinking de childrens be learning de wrong things. We be thinking dey should be learning how to be independent adventurers and be thinking for demselves.
Ridiculous. My plan will see every child in the NCR educated to Vault Tec Standards. The future of our wasteland will be boarded inside the old vaults where available, and taught the 3 Rs the right way. Reading, Writing and Rejecting their inferiors.
Sulik what is the Chosen One's current involvement with your political affairs and the political affairs in New Arroyo?
We and I be rejecting any allegations of sleaze or influence by de chosen one. We and I and Grampy be being our own men, not be being beholded to other interests
Oh just face it bone-nose, you're a stooge.
You be taking dat back, or you be missing a bone in your nose.
Stupid fool, noses don't even have bones…. Well, with one notable exception.
My vote is for
The NCR presidential Debate will be back after these commercial messages, or next week. In the meantime, leave your questions for the candidates here.