Welcome back to our weekly edition of the House Technical Update! This week we have a couple things to cover.
In case you haven't noticed, we have now installed state of the art cloning tubes in the Archives. These systems are to be used exclusively for restoring members of the house who die as a result of the following causes:
- Death by accidental incineration
- Death by accidental Securitron malfunction
- Death by accidental entry into the Deathclaw pens
- Death by accidental Fisto the Sexbot
- Death by falling books
- Death by drowning in pigeon poo
- Death by falling off the Helipad
- Death by helicopter rotors
- Death by Molerat Arena
- Death by porn
- Death by smoke inhalation
- Death by accidental Transporter malfunction
- Death by Mr. Handy malfunction
- Death by Ball Pitt
- Death by accidental Banhammer
- Death by Space Mexico Rocket
- Death by accidental bug squishing
- Death by Solar Beam
- Death by Kamehameha wave
- Death by Ghouls
- Death by electric Shock
Deaths that are not covered by cloning:
- Death by Batman
The Taco Bell, KFC, and Starbucks dispensers, as well as the dispensers in the Dining Halls are now up and running. To use them make sure to insert the appropriate amount of bottle caps in the dispensers and select your food choice. Please do not use the keypads on the dispensers to repeatedly scroll up and down in the food choices in order to annoy your fellow employees. After a certain number of times scrolling through the dispenser will dispense the worst possible choice available.
After last weeks incident where 5 or so employees decided it would be funny to pour a bunch of Alcohol in the circuit panel of our beloved Bar Protectron, we have closed off the area and placed steel bars encircling the bar as to prevent further incident. Also, we have fixed the bug in his systems where he would only pour low quality rum no matter what you asked him for.
With the installation of my new top of the line Super Computer I have all the houses systems up and running and under observation from my office in the Bug room. I can see every computer in the house, so I'm watching you, that means cut out the porn in the library whoever is doing that. Also the Houses servers have been moved from the Bug room into the southwest corner of the Archives, so Limmie will now be working out of the bug room.
The Star Trek Transporters are now online, and running at 80% functionality, so the chances of getting dematerialized while transporting have been reduced from 50% to 20%! Also, please don't install games on the computers in the transporters room, it tends to mess with the protocols.
Recently we have had several Fisto The Sexbot outbreaks, where Fistos were roaming the hall. If we catch you making these Fistos in the Legacy Labs replicators we will subject you to a brutal round of ban-hammering in the Molerat Arena.
This is a link to the House for those unfamiliar with what I am referring to.
Thanks for reading and we will catch you next week for the next addition of The House Weekly Updates![[Category:User