The second newsletter is a brochure of the Church of Harold.
|The following is the original document or a transcript thereof.|
Finding your Path in the New World.
Do you feel LOST?
Do you have a million questions but no answers?
Has life fed you hint after hint but never enough for a satisfactory solution?
Then maybe the Church of Harold is for you.
Unlike other religions, we promise nothing.
But, unlike others, we back up our promises!
We don't guarantee someone will be there for you... but they might.
We don't say we have the answers... but we might.
Isn't some chance better than no chance?
Isn't Hope better than Hopeless?
Step inside and see.
What is the Church of Harold?
It's the Rustle in the Trees.
It's the Stirring in the Soul.
It's a Gathering full of Sound and Fury.
It's the Germination and Rebirth of the Land.
Why was it created?
Our mission, stemming from the Union of Plant and Numen, is to Rebuild the world, one Twig at a time.
Who started this?
The Church of Harold was Founded by Alders Blahblahwanna Rubra and Yaddayadda Glutinos (pre-FEV Bill Smith and Rex Rong) soon after the Great Shaking.
We shine Light on the Understanding of the Harmony of the Glory of the Rightness that is the Path of Harold.
Who is Harold?
Harold turned long ago after the Great War. He is First among Numens, the Light of our Path.
His courage and wisdom lead us.
His heroic deeds act as an example to us all. (See the Publications section for more!)
He shows us the Way.
He is the Harold, Seer of the Unseen. Knower of the Unknown. Adulterator of the Unadulterated.
Who can join?
We are open to all.(1)
All may know the peace that comes from following the Path of Harold.
The Way is the Way.
What can I expect?
You can expect anything and everything! We place no limitations whatsoever on your expactations!
Oft asked Questions. (OaQ's)
Does this mean you're vegetarian?
We are Past Vegetarianism. No meat or plants. But can eat fruit - as long as you save the seeds. (Remember to be a little Harold Appleseed whenever you can!)
There's plenty to eat! The list includes milk, fruit, honey, sap. And insects! All the insects you want!(2) Mmm, Sap and Slugs Souffle. It's to die for. Check out the Publications section for Yakkateeyak Ramsey's Recipe book.
Show your support for the cause and make a friend at the same time. For only 10 caps a month, you can sponsor a Tree.(3) Your name will be placed on a sign (made with free-range wood only!) along with the name you choose for your new friend!
I've heard about Plant protection classes. What are they?
Contact your nearest Beech or Alder for details.
(1) Oldmens as well as Numens. As the Great Harold once said, "Be kind to the Smoothskins One Saved the world once.
'Course, it they broke it to start with."
(2) Maybe fish, too, but this is still being decided.
(3) For those not ready to fully commit we have Adapt-a-Shrubbery.
You may find these publications helpful for progress on the Path of Harold as well as for daily life in general.(4) Reasonably priced.
Church of Harold Worship Manual.
(487 pages...and counting.In-game spelling, punctuation and/or grammar 100 caps.)
Everything you wanted to know, and more!
Church of Harold Worship Manual.
Abridged. (2 pages. 3 caps.)
More than you need.
Harold and the Vault Dweller. The real story. (82 pages, 20 caps.)
The True Story of one of the first, most famous, and most wrongly told stories of Our Times. Find out how it was really Harold who saved a Vault.
What Constitutes a Proper Hat? The Wearing of the Green. (43 pages, 15 caps.)
Answers such questions as:
How do I strap this on?
Nails, Spikes, and Staples - OK?
Formal vs. informal occasions.
What to do about people trying to shoot my hat off?
Trephinery for Acolytes. Safely taking the final step to being a Vessel. (88 pages, 50 caps.)
Includes additional chapters on things like:
Proper fertilizer ratios.
Water charts for a variety of locations. Don't over water - avoid the dreaded dribbles!
The difference between incubation and infection.
!!Includes a free depth gauge to avoid the gray gusher!!
Harold and the Chosen One. Who really did the Choosing? (8 pages, 3 caps.)
Conspiracy? Coverup? You be the judge. (By Tim Mondo Zetta)
Selected Sayings of Harold.
A collection of his finest quotes to get you through the day. (28 pages, 8 caps.)
"You cut with the dull edge of the knife, don't ya? "In-game spelling, punctuation and/or grammar
"Golly-be-damned if they weren't springing up like rabbits with a mission."
"Technically...it's a thingie."In-game spelling, punctuation and/or grammar
"I'm cranky-old and I've been that way ever since I changed.2
"Wanna know how to keep an idjit in suspense?"
Yakkateeyak, Don't Eat That!
Y. Ramsey's guide on what not to eat, what to eat, and how to cook it. (58 pages, 17 caps.)
Harold Saves the Day, Volume 1.
Includes *8* stories of Greatness. (115 pages, 45 caps.)
Disaster Stemmed. A Telling of How Harold fixed a Dam, stopped a Flood, and saved a Town. With a little help from Bob.
My Dinner with Harold. An unforgettable tale of Harold, hovel, and ham! (298 pages, 45 caps.)
Grow your ranks. How to start your own chapter of the Church. (57 pages, 25 caps.)
Rapidly rise from Seedling to Sprout on your way to becoming an Alder of the Church.
We also have some paper products available from discontinued lines. Help recycle!
Suitable for a variety of uses. Create art with soul. Patch small bullet holes in the walls.
Upscale your outhouse with quality, multi-use, reading material.
(4) Delivery available through Numen Postal Service.